I had a chat with someone new to my networking group and self-employment today, and they
shared how worried they felt seeing everyone else out and about, ticking off endless to-do lists, creating content from coffee shops, and generally looking like they had it all together. It reminded me of a blog I wrote years ago about comparison and not believing everything you see. Back then, there wasn’t really much social media to amplify this feeling—just a bit of real-world keeping-up. A lot has changed since, so I thought it was time for a fresh look at this topic, years down the line. Let’s dive in!
We all can see it... Ah, the life of a successful self-employed person: leisurely coffee shop mornings, endless social media updates, and inspirational posts about their “grind” that seem too good to be true. Spoiler alert: they probably are.
While some genuinely folks are out there doing the job in hand, many of the loudest voices seem to spend more time telling us how busy they are - but busy doing what?
The Coffee Shop Hustle
You’ve seen them. Laptop open, cappuccino in hand, ready to conquer the world. They’re typing away furiously (or pretending to), but let’s be honest—half the time, they’re just tweaking the font on their Canva templates.
They’ll glance at their phone every five seconds, loudly proclaiming things like, “Oh, I’ve got so much to do today!” Sure. If your to-do list includes “Instagram story my latte” and “update LinkedIn about being a coffee shop regular,” or "feeling so blessed" you’re smashing it.
The Social Media Mogul
Then there are the real MVPs: the social media storytellers. They document their every move, crafting posts that scream, “Look at me! I’m self-employed and loving life!”
• “Just smashed a client meeting!” (Translation: They emailed someone and got an out-of-office reply).
• “Grateful for the freedom of being my own boss.” (Translation: They’re still in pyjamas at 2 p.m.or basically fucking around in a coffee shop with not much sales pipeline).
• “Hustle hard!” (Translation: They spent the morning creating a TikTok about hustling).
Now, I’m not entirely innocent here. I’ll admit, I’ll throw up an Instagram story about what my day looks like. But here’s the thing— it’s one story. Just one. Why? Because that’s literally all I have time for, and it takes zero effort.
Meanwhile, these social media masterminds have turned self-promotion into a full-time job, complete with curated captions, motivational quotes, and time-lapses of their “work” that likely took longer to film than the actual task.
The Watering Hole of Self-Promotion
And then there’s the group dynamic. A lot of these self-proclaimed successful business people tend to band together, hyping each other up in an endless cycle of self-promotion.
They’ll tag one another, share each other’s “wins,” and create the illusion of an unstoppable network of thriving entrepreneurs. As a newbie in the word of small biz owners, it is easy to see why people can get intimidated by the comparison. But to be honest, you are comparing apples to grapes here.
It’s like a digital herd, amplifying each other’s voices to make their collective success look larger than life. But don’t be fooled - this is less about genuine achievement and more about carefully curated optics.
Just because someone looks busy doesn’t mean they’re productive—or profitable.
The Truth About Being “Busy”
Here’s the actually kicker: you can be really busy and still not generate any income. Some people genuinely don’t need the money—they might be playing business, enjoying the process without worrying about results.
Others may be working hard, but haven’t yet found their flow. Or they could even be running an online business, so being in a coffee shop all day is actually generating a bloody good income - no overhead costs for starters! So don't get me wrong, I'm not making a massive sweeping statement here.
And that’s okay! Everyone’s journey is different. The key is to remember that you can’t compare yourself to anybody else.
What’s important is defining success on your terms - not through someone else’s Instagram or LinkedIn filter.
The Trap of Social Comparison
This is where the psychology of social comparison comes into play. Seeing these curated versions of success can trigger your amygdala, the brain’s threat centre, leading to feelings of anxiety, imposter syndrome, or even self-sabotage.
You might start to think:
• “Why am I not as successful as them?”
• “Shouldn’t I be doing more?”
• “Am I even cut out for this?”
But you’re comparing your reality to someone else’s highlight reel or even a massive fib! Their curated content isn’t the full story - it’s a carefully constructed narrative designed to create an illusion.
Using Solution-Focused Hypnotherapy to Break the Cycle
This is where solution-focused hypnotherapy can make a real difference. By working with the brain’s neuroplasticity, it helps retrain your mind to shift from the reactive amygdala to the calm, logical prefrontal cortex.
Instead of reacting emotionally to social comparisons, hypnotherapy helps you:
• Focus on your goals and what you want to achieve.
• Build confidence and resilience, allowing you to celebrate your own progress instead of measuring it against others.
• Develop clarity, enabling you to filter out the noise and stay true to what matters most to you.
When your prefrontal cortex takes the lead, you start to approach challenges with curiosity and problem-solving, rather than fear or comparison.
A successful outcome might look like:
• Feeling motivated and excited about your unique journey.
• Celebrating your wins—big or small—without the need for external validation.
• Prioritising actions that align with your values and long-term goals, rather than getting swept up in the illusion of others’ success.
The Bottom Line
Real success isn’t about hashtags or curated posts—it’s about showing up, putting in the work, and staying focused on what truly matters to you.
So, the next time you catch yourself comparing your journey to someone else’s, take a deep breath, step back, and ask yourself: What am I doing today that moves me closer to my goals?
Because while some are busy chasing likes, the real hustlers are retraining their brains to chase what truly matters. That’s the kind of success worth striving for.
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